".....HOPE SOMEDAY SOON....."

“If I could tell you how I feel about you, I must have surely said it, some way or the other….

If I wanted to stay with you throughout my life but could not as a wife,

You should have known you do matter to me….

It is not about the things you did for me may be…. It is all about the moments we shared….

You feel that I am easily influenced by peoples’ thoughts… If I did I would have stopped myself back then…

You surely failed to understand, how I feel and what I feel…

You surely failed to understand what I did and why I did….

I knew somewhere or the other your wish might not come true, I tried hard to prepare you for the same with all love and affection I could, but alas I failed…

And today everyone around me blames me for your condition, I accept and I agree am guilty.

Guilty of trying to do something which is almost next to impossible…

My dad once said…

Love and affection can make impossible things possible, but I failed probably.

Not more than 3 months back, I started feeling and wished if I could spend my life with you, it would be wonderful.

“ I would have all that I could dream of, love, care , you never let me do anything on my own, I was your top most priority, you fooled around with your career, your family, your mother and never went back giving me lame reasons, I am searching for something, I am doing it, I’ll soon move back to home, and I was happy somewhere thinking it will be the best for you to get over me because I could see the pain in you, you would go through if things turned out the other way round as you expected.

And I failed every time, you told me that someday I would realize your value and importance and then I would wish what if things were the other way round.

I don’t have to wait for that someday… I know it and I feel it.

I know how hard I try, not to express you anything…

I know how hard I try to give you a reason to hate me….

I know how hard I have tried that you focus on something else other than me but you always made it impossible….

Every time you talk rude to me I feel a glitch in my heart, is it right or is it wrong?

Should I feel happy that you feel hatred for me?

Should I weep and tell you how I feel…?

I feel scared expressing what goes on within me with respect to you….

May be that is why I turn it into rudeness but still fail to cut you apart….

Things today are completely different…

You know we aren’t going to be together anymore….

You still fight…

You still talk rude….

How I wish you realized that we do not have much time for so much hatred anymore….

How I wish you decided that me as a person is important in your life but not a name to this relation….

How I wish I could tell you, I never want to lose you….

But you make me so harsh within at times, 

how I wish I could see you just settle down in your life and probably live happily ever after is all I want...

You say it is my ego that I do not express what I feel…

I say it is not, I always walked away because I wanted you to stand on your own...

I walked away every time so that someday,some moment you would stand by your own...

It is just my fear of falling weak,if I express what goes in within...

I hope someday you would understand why I have been this way throughout….

I hope someday soon….