The Unspoken Pain....!

                                             
"Get the hell out of here....! Did you get that? And just go to hell do whatever you want....."
were the last words Nisha heard from her love.... her so called boyfriend...It was so hard to handle these heavy words for her.What would be her next step? Would she get back to  him ever ?

Walkin down the stairs from Raghav's house she recalled the days 2 yrs back.....



_________________2 Years Back______________

Wiping up all the tears from my face Reena gave a motherly smile and said
"chal coffee peene chalte hain..."

I agreed and with my swollen face I went down to canteen with my bestie to have that coffee which gave me lovely memories of our friendship.Bunking classes,taking fake permissions for washroom and then landing up in the canteen just to have this 6rs nescafe coffee was the best part of their life.

"Alryt this is on me...I'll get the coffee,they will get scared looking at ur swollen face :-P"

Reena giggled trying to bring that cute little smile on my lips.I glared at her,with the least possible smile I could and Reena left.

There was an intense silence between us,tears were again building up in my eyes when they accidently fell on Aman and there started Reena with all possible slangs she knew in proper hindi....
Now this was when something happened which made Reena a hope that I will love my life back.

"Okay fine.....I know he is bloody bastard and even a MC,BC and what not but why insult them in search of slangs....He is even worse than them I guess.... :/ ...He does not exist..Bloody asshole....ooopppsss! sorry even an ass hole is a good hole to be fucked..hahahahahahahahahahah! "

Both of us blurred out laughing and could sense the kind of confusion Aman had on his face.But then this was amazing for Reena as she could sense that I have finally started hating him after 2 long weeks of sobbing.

It was time to get back to class but Reena had something to say so she held back my hand and made me sit back on the chair....What was it?? I looked at her confused........

"Nisha,listen..... Just think over Raghav.... You know he really loves you and m sure he will always keep you smiling"  Renna spoke softly looking into my eyes, she knew it so well i needed someone to still tell me that m worth loving nd Reena was trying out all possible means to make me feel better. I loved her for that.

Looking confused and totally scared,I knew that Raghav loved me after the day he had told me this very serenely in the canteen after college 6 months back but I even knew this that I would never be able to cope up with a guy who was so over protective.

"Reena lets not talk about relationships for some days plssss........" 

Back to the class we were.... and again the same boring lectures........ but yeah I was kind of able to concentrate in the class with what was going on.Raghav was staring at me...He knew there was something wrong but he did not ask me neither did I bother to tell him.
Even without being committed I was scared to tell him anything because I knew he would get completely pissed and would stop talking to me....I dint want him to hate me...

Days passed by and it was almost 4 months and I had almost got over Aman's betrayal.But there was still something missing in my life. I still felt I was not worth to be loved. May be because of my boyish attitude... Guys look for delicate darlings...."awwwww baby don't do this na...., heheheheheeh " arggghhhh that was so pathetic..... laughing and pretending to be shy ...flickering their eye lids n number of times in a second was sooo irritating... Are those the girls who can be loved?

"Chal lets go to the beach today what say?? " that was Reena, it was an amazing whether outside and a trip to beach would have been amazing instead of attending the boring lectures and thinking over topics which I really didn't want to .........So I agreed and they left in a group of 4 to the beach....
Sitting there silently in my thoughts I wondered "How amazing life was in school....", but I could not think longer and as interrupted by Reena....

"Stop thinking too much baby girl,your mind would blast out...Come we' ll have some hookah and then all your worries will be out through the smoke...."we  both giggled and finally got back to what was planned.
I was high........ and then Varun dropped me back home..... I was feeling very relaxed and amazing but there were few thoughts which were still blocking my relaxation.... :(

In the meanwhile I had been spending some time with Raghav too,like chatting,having lunch together etc. because it felt good when he always wanted me to be with him.But somewhere I knew it would be a problem,So I always resisted herself to fall for him.

"How long can something be resisted darling.... Look at yourself,you are smiling with his thoughts....you love him too why don't you accept it!!!!

Reena shook her hard to get the answer to her question........She still ignored and just smiled as if she did not bother.........


______________24 January-The day of love_______________

After so many months of spending beautiful time together it was now turn to take a chance with my life...
I dialed up his number
It was 1:30 am in the morning..... and I had no clue what was wrong with me...I was just so restless to speak out what I felt....

"Hello" I heard a giggling from the other end of her phone...It was Raghav.

"ummmmmm can you please ask them to be quiet for a moment ,its something important.....",I said

 "Okey okey one min..... hey shut up you guys for a moment please its emergency.... :-P" Raghav shouted

"ewwwww that sounded sooo stupid..... emergency???????" I thought....

And then there was a pin drop silence on both the ends....Only there breaths could be heard and the silence was enough to speak everything....... but this was killing both of them.... On one end was a girl who was gathering all her courage and taking a chance with her life again and on the other end a guy who had no clue what was coming across.

"Raghav......... "

"yeahhhh say na ... speak something ,why are you quiet??? what happened ?? please sp......" and Raghav was interrupted by something ....

"I LOVE YOU.... Raghav...."

There was cold rush of blood flowing through my entire body when I said this to him and the response from there would not have been better than this...........

"She agreed.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Raghav exclaimed in the topmost volume of this throat and almost the entire floor of his hostel came to know what has happened......

I was on top of the world for the feeling of being needed by someone so badly that he almost exclaimed so loud.........She could now comfortably sleep....................but she took her phone and texted

To: Reena                                                                                     sent at 1:50 am
Msg: "I have taken a chance yaar....... I said a yes to him..........And Moreover I could feel how happy he was when he came to know am gonna be his life........... :) M happy Ree... but scared too ..I dunno whether its right or not........ but for now its making me feel good .......... love you and thanks a lot....... :) gunnyt... c yu at collg ."

New Message from : Reena                                                             received at 1:52 am
"Congoooooo cutie pie........... relax..... life is something where you have to take chance and m glad you took..... he will always keep you happy and special in his life.... just love you present... m so happy for you :).... gunnyt c you too at collg tomorrow :)"

____________________At College-the next day____________

It was time to celebrate for her new beginning and so the classes were bunked and finally it was decided that  Me,Raghav and two more friend of theirs would who were on list for the treat would join in at the "Blue Bay" a longue plus bar. I bayed my bestie a bye after a long hug of joy and rushed off before the lecturers got into the class.

It was 11:00 am in the morning when 4 of them dropped in and took a corner seat,the longue had its own beauty.... the dim blue light and the romantic music filled in more romance and love to the atmosphere...

"What would you like to have my lady? " Raghav asked keeping his hands around my waist and pulling me closer......

"Vodka with sprite" I teasingly moved towards him to give him a prick to release  my waist.cmmoonnn it was just first day... It was an immense pleasure to kiss your love in the public and you actually don't give a damn shit to what others have got to think about you but still I did not want to be in a hurry burry..... So just keep things easy was what I had in my mind.......

It was 3:00 pm in the afternoon by now and I was totally on top of the world with so many shots of my drinks....How would I reach home??? Shit.........................

Raghav cleared the bill and we all left to a juice shop .. he bought me lemon juice which hardly had any effect on me.... next what??? Raghav finally decided to take me to a mall before he dropped me home. May be the cold breeze help me come down.....

As said I was totally high........ all through the way I kept singing songs and screaming............

"Raghaaaaav I LOVE YOU............. !!!!!"

 well I was tired and started to take rest on his shoulder from behind.....

"Here we are madam.... Come lets have a look in the archies gallery..."
"Okey..... :)" I smiled looking at him with so much of innocence oh my god.......... I never knew I could be sooooo cute :)

All through the while Raghav had been holding my hand and protecting me from the world, hehehehehee,
 like a precious stone I felt....and now it was almost 2 hours now .....

"I guess am fine now.... should we leave?" I asked

He looked at me and said  "yeah we will but before that we need to go back to the college,Tannay who was with at Blue Bay has something important for us. So.... let's check that out ok???

And off we were way back to college road.It took us almost an hour to reach there due to heavy traffic.Raghav went to call Tannay.... and after 10 min he called out my name from behind ..
I turned around ....OMG!!! what's this???? A dream????
I could not imagine this would ever happen to me............I looked down and there was he on his knees with the roses in hand almost on road where everyone could see,evening 7:00 pm hour when the roads are heavy with traffic .... and this was the moment of immense pleasure and heaven type feeling....I did not know how to react?.... What to say?...... I just knew this was the bestest moment of my life............ I guess Rena was sooo right about Raghav.......... :)

I just hugged  him tight without bothering about people around......... and then it was a heart touching moment for me when he took out the same chain I had glanced over at archies and said "wow,its so pretty na.....!"
I dint know he would buy that for me and put it around my neck.......... :) I was just loving every moment and my hurry of getting back home simply vanished..............

I just wanted to be with him like this for ever and ever......................................................................
______________Present Day__________________

Like seasons... even life changes and here I am after 2 year of my commitment.....
It was saturday morning and I decided to go over to his place and surprise him.....Everything was fine until i glanced at his new phone which we bought 3 days back .. and as shocked to see 108 fucking miss calls from  a  number and if I was not wrong this was he ex girlfriend. But where did she get h is number from and why hasn't he blocked her.?
I was thinking a lot may be he has blocked her and that was the reason her calls were not answered....I was cool .... I trusted Raghav a lot and I knew that whatever happens, he would never ever cheat on me because he was a kind of a man who would either love a girl with all  his heart and soul or never look at her with love if its lost.

He came back from kitchen and "Talk to her na once tell her you are  with me so not to disturb you... see ow many miss calls on phone..." I said

He took the phone and kept it on the other end saying "leave it ..... she has nothing to do...." 

I ended the topic for that moment and by evening went back home...Sitting in my balcony I was wondering about those 108 miss calls,hen I thought I should call her up and talk that I do not like so many calls.Being a girl she might understand.... and i dialled her number......

After 30 min of my conversation I felt like it was becoming so hard for me to breath..... I could not imagine what was happening with me.... I wanted to go to Raghav and tell him "baby please  say she is a liar... and scold her... tell her that you love only me and no one else not even her..".....

I rushed at 10:00pm to him house and there were 8 people in his room boozing and playing cards.Looking at my eyes he did not understand what was wrong with me........I asked him to come out....

He held me hard looking into my eyes,which was making it even more difficult for me to decide was he wrong?

"Call up Sania and tell her you love me and not her" I spoke sternly but with the shivering of pain in my voice....

He gave me a blank look as if I was talking in arabic.Anyways I did not pay attention to his looks I played the recording of the conversation I had had with her.....

 "Raghav has always been mine Nisha.... Just because he is studying out there does not mean he will ever leave his home town.... why don't you understand that you are just an entertainment for him....
He has spent sleepless nights with me and so many days..... so many memories from past 7 years and you bitch!, you think that you can make him forget all that in just 2 years of time.....???"


"Alright , a deal ! If he calls me up and says that he loves you more than me I promise never to bother you people....go rush and ask him to tell that to me on phone right now..." Sania's voice was loudly audible..... I again stared at him with a hope ... A hope he would hug me hard and say "Give me the phone baby I ll say it to her.... I know I love you and will never let anyone hurt you like this.Its not that easy to tell that bitch ki I love you and only you"

I almost shivered and all my thoughts were interrupted by Raghavs unexpected behaviour!

"Am not your bloody slave did you get that? I will not do what you want e to or what she wants me to! You know it very well that I have always avoided her calls then what is all this??" He was at a high tone which was making me cry louder and louder.

"I know just call her up and tell her that you love me ,matter closed for ever Raghav ... please.... Just do this small favour to me" I almost begged him trying to keep my control ....

"Get the hell out of here....! Did you get that? And just go to hell do whatever you want.....Think whatever you ant to...I am not calling up anyone to clarify anything...."  Raghav shouted at the top of his volume banging my phone on the other side of the room, The tubelights kept behind the door shattered into pieces and I was left helpless...with the harsh words of my love.....

Without giving a second thought I walked down the stairs and in the rain I stood..... I could not feel my heart beat nor anything around.... I could just feel those harsh words still pricking in the nerves and my blood and moreover a strange kind of a pain in my heart....

I was way back home all drenched .......... I had given myself a second chance ! and look where did I land up?? Did I expect a lot from him? Was calling her up and saying that he loves me was so tough? Or did he still love her and that was why he couldn't do it.......Why is it me always?
I never spoke so harsh to him ever even when he doubted on me for talking to a common friend in the canteen... Was I wrong? Was Reena wrong thinking that he would never make me cry??

Everything became blank in front of my eyes with so many thoughts and question still scaring me every night.....I don't know whether he will come back to me.But,I would not go back unless he wants me back... unless he apologises for what he had said.....

"Ouch that hurt me hard! "and there I was lying in the middle of the road still smiling with the pain and tears in my eyes. STill wanting to see him for the last time................
I wish he could see how blind faith I had on him..... that how hurt I was because of his cruelty and his disbelief in me..... I wish I could show him what he had meant to me all this while.......

Everything around me started to fade and my eyes were shutting..... The traffic police tried calling on the last dialed number from my phone which was "Raghav's number" but i knew he would not pick up the call out of anger.I lost all hopes and with the unspoken pain in my heart I felt like I was taking the last breath of my life....... How much I wish I could see him for one last time.........How I wish he had stopped me from letting me go...How I wish he would have understood that I lived for his love............
And that was the end of my life and the pain was still not revealed......!!!!



                    # Dedicated to Nisha "R.I.P     1988-2012"